home....

it feels like i have never left. i drive through the streets and its as if i was there yesterday. i am very excited to be home though, to be able to sit in my kitchen and look out on a landscape of a valley with a river, plains and mountains in the background. and when the sun sets and the clouds are cooperating, it is something to experience. and it is something that i have had the privilege of experiencing for the past 13 years. Im not trying to talk down on BC or anywhere else. it just seems like i have been in perpetual shade for the past 3 months living at Qwanoes and coming home i realize how fortunate i am to have been blessed with a love and attachment to the landscape outside my window. But i am home, and the ability to physically hold my sister is something that i have wanted to do for so long as the news kept roller coasting up and down. and now as christmas has come around, the coaster has been temporarily stopped to allow a false sense of "normal". except is it truly normal to have a, what we think of as, a normal life? no hardships, the occasional death but that death is usually an old age relative. as i have been coming to realize that if you have a life that doesn`t include some or more of the following; Death, Broken Families, substance abuse, physical abuse, sexual assault, cancer. Etc. you do not live a normal life. your life has been blessed because it shows that Gods hand for some reason chooses to cover some families more than others for protection. An thats where your life becomes abnormal . But what would life be without some excitement and near death experiences thrown your way. Throughout my Walk with God my favourite aspect of him i have come to adore i his sense of humour. i find it everywhere in creation, especially the sky. thats probably why i enjoy where i live because there is always something happening with the clouds and the sun. both combined to make shapes and portraits that i can follow with my eyes and discuss with others and how the earth feels sometimes as if it were a giant playground that i can run, leap and create forts and my imagination tends to run away on me usually all the time whenever I'm idle. Although i have come to a point where i am very in-tune with his humour side, i have begun to get a grasp on how serious he is when it comes to a point when someone has to turn there heart back to God. there comes a point in our life where i hope we all come to that we can look back and see with clear eyes of all our wrong and the destruction we have caused by carrying a negative attitude and sharp words. However God is not normal, but nor should he be not-normal. he Just is. Just is God. and just now realizing how gifted we are to have the ability to be blessed emotions. the emotion of Anger, Joy, sorrow. God feels as we feel but what we feel is only a sliver of what it was truly meant to be. this Christmas i am going to feel a lot of these feelings and it is not going to feel normal because it hasn't ever been this way. but in reality this is the norm of our world. we are marked by brokenness. but at his discretion we are being filled and mended.